Tending the Fire: Trading Freedom for Stability
For the hub’s birthday, I booked him a falconry course. It was called a “triple raptor experience” and he got to learn about and handle a falcon, hawk, and two owls. When the facilitators were talking about the falcons and hawks, they shared that when they’re hunting, these birds are not on a leash. They are flying free and can choose whether they stay or go.
Falcons and hawks, they continued, are not driven by affection and don’t stay because of emotional attachments with their handlers. Instead, they stay because of trust in the reciprocal relationship. They’ve learned that if they stay, they are guaranteed food and safe shelter. In essence, they trade their freedom for stability. They trade the unknown for the known.
As I watched the birds being returned to their cages on this drizzly day, I couldn’t help but think of the ways that we do the same as humans– trade our freedom for stability, the unknown for the known.
In many ways this serves us– for example, I am glad to trade the unknown of where my next meal is coming from by having a stable job that provides the means for food security. Having a sense of safety, of grounding, is necessary for our nervous systems to regulate.
In other ways, this approach may hold us back– for instance, maybe we stay in a relationship longer than feels healthy because the known, although unpleasant, is less scary than the unknown of what’s to come.
When I think about the ways we trade freedom (which is risky!) for stability, or the unknown for the known, the question that keeps swirling in my noggin isn't whether it's happening– it's this: Am I aware of what I'm choosing?
To choose the known with *intention* is very different than simply leaning into a pattern of stability without consciously choosing it. Without reflection, the latter may lead to us sleepwalking through our lives. And I don’t know about you, but I’m looking for a sense of aliveness on this journey, and that requires being awake.
We need a balance of stability and risk and everyone’s sweet spot is different. So, what about you, dearest reader? In what ways might you be trading your freedom for stability? The unknown for the known? In what ways might that be serving you? Any chance it might be holding you back? These questions and more are in the Invitation section below if you would like to explore further.
Yours with wings spread wide,
Shannah 🤍
Nurtured Founder & Coach
Your turn! Let’s check in. The following questions are here as a way to tend your fire.
Remember, this doesn’t have to be a big time commitment to be helpful. If it feels good, put on a song, pick one question from the list, and noodle until the song ends.
Envision these birds trading their freedom for stability. Notice: What does that feel like in my body? What sensations do I feel and where? What might my body want me to know?
We need a balance of stability and risk and everyone’s sweet spot is different. To see this visually, consider drawing a continuum with “known” on one side and “unknown” on the other. Notice: Where does the magic happen? Indicate the spot on the spectrum that’s my zone for healthy growth.
Without judgment, what are three ways I might currently be trading my freedom for stability—or choosing the known over the unknown?
In what way might one of these choices be serving me right now?
In what way might it also be limiting me or holding me back?
One action that I can and WILL take today that nurtures my needs for both stability and risk is:
Big bravo for taking a moment to explore, check in, and tend your own fire. 🔥 If you would like to have your responses witnessed, I would be delighted to receive them! Email me anytime at shannah@gonurtured.com.
Feeling the itch to spread your wings? Sometimes it helps to have a thought partner to sort through what’s keeping you grounded—and what might help you fly. I’d be honored to explore it with you. Whether you're new here or just coming back after a break, book a free consultation and let’s see how we can work together to get you soaring with intention!